Friday, April 11, 2008

Ms. Olive Juice Phlebotomist


That one is just for fun. More later in the post.

Ah, Ms. Olive Juice Phlebotomist. First I had the wonderful Tracy Ultrasound, and now I have had an experience with Ms. Olive Juice Phlebotomist during my 3 hour fasting glucose tolerance test (the whole ordeal was 4 hours, though).

(If you don't get the "Olive Juice" part, go to a mirror...mouth the words "olive juice" quickly, and see what it looks like you are saying. If you still don't get it, mouth the words silently to a friend. See what s/he thinks you are saying.)

There have been a handful of grumpy medical assistants, nurses (and let's not forget Dr. Evil!), but the few wonderfully nice ones make up for the rotten eggs. Upon reaching the lab, hungry and surly, I met Ms. Olive (as her lab coat indicated). She was a ray of sunshine, and cheered me right up, even though she knew that I was about to endure 4 blood draws and 4 hours of additional fasting. For some reason, I like that she called me "hun." For many, I know this is demeaning, but I kind of like it. I actually dislike that many medical professionals call me "Miss / Ms. Heintz." Perhaps it is protocol, but it sounds too formal. Call me by my first name, please. Anyway, Ms. Olive was just what I needed in a phlebotomist for the 3 hour GTT test. Although, not even Ms. Olive could take away the intense hatred I had for the glucose drink I was forced to consume. Do you all remember the "orange" drink from McDonald's way back? Imagine that, but sweetened beyond you know your teeth are rotting the second it hits your lips. It was atrocious. And it was another "college flip cup" moment when I had to chug a huge bottle as fast as I could...knowing if I threw any of it up, I would have to repeat this nonsense. Well, it's over, and I just got called from the OB office...I had 1 abnormal, but all the rest normal, so...I AM NOT DIABETIC! Thank you jeebus (as KB would say).

On the subject of being friendly and calling people by name, I challenge you all to call someone you don't know well by his / her first name. For example, the check out clerks. (They have name tags for a reason.) I have been told that I am one of those people who will talk to anyone, and subsequently, can attract the "crazy ones." Being pregnant has only amplified my comfort in talking with people. I guess I feel safer while one wants to upset a hormonal preggo! For example, when "Swan" was painting my toenails when KB and I got our pedis at 10Ten nail bar, she introduced herself as "Swan." I said, "nice to meet you...could you repeat your name?" I didn't quite believe it was Swan; well, it was. Upon leaving, Swan was putting the pedicure flip flops back on me, and not my own. I said, "Swan, could you please put my flip flops on instead?" For some reason, just using her name makes me hope that she feels that I am paying attention to her and value her work. Now, I do know the difference between being friendly and being naive...

Take for instance, the guy standing next to me at the Farmer's market with 8 lbs of $0.59/ lb "meat product" that he told me he uses to feed his dalmations. Seriously. That was the price. I smiled, waiting to just get my 1lb of organic beef, which just happened to be located next to the, dare I say, "meat" this man was buying. He continued, "it is the best and cheapest dog food." Okay, so maybe I egged him on with, "don't the bones hurt the dogs?" And so began the conversation. Rather, him talking at me, and me nodding, trying to be friendly to a man who clearly doesn't communicate with beings outside his 25 dalmations. It ended with him asking if I wanted a free dalmation puppy. Telling him I was pregnant and having a baby and that my HUSBAND and I were trying to move didn't resonate with him. His response:

"Well, I'll let you have one. Free of charge. If you don't like it, you can return it to me. Do you use the Internet?"

Me: "Sometimes."

Crazy meat man: "Well, I have posted a lot of Christian literature on there. If you go do a search for (I forget the phrase, but it was something religious), you'll find all of my stuff. I am really lonely, and I sleep with my dalmations. They are the best pets. My brother is trying to sue me, but he has no ground to stand on. Could you please pray for me? My name is Paul."

With that, he walked away...both hands full of bags of meat scraps...I did say a quick prayer for him, but not about him being sued. I also said a prayer for myself, hoping that he wasn't waiting outside in the parking lot with a car full of dalmations, 8lbs of meat product, and more requests for prayers. He was definitely lonely and a little "off," but not lonely enough that I would get in a car with him or offer to carry his meat product to the car.

In addition to the "gift" of having Ms. Olive Juice Phlebotomist take care of me this week, I also received such stinkin' cute gifts and packages from people, it makes my heart melt. First, Aunt S and Uncle S sent the most thoughtful gifts. I had to take a picture of one of them: his name is Egypt. He is the cutest baby toy from the eco-friendly company "Under the Nile." Well, we immediately named him Egypt. Why can we come up with his name faster than Linus's? We are surely not naming Linus Atlanta...

I also got a GENEROUS box of gently used clothes and diapers from Aunt T. I love that we are able to reuse so many things, and even though we are going to try to steer away from disposable diapers, they were already purchased by someone who didn't need them anymore. If they are going into a landfill, they might as well have Linus's poop and pee in them. :)

Finally, more belly pictures. The one of my stomach up close may make you sick. I was trying to get a picture of the blue vein action without resorting to a rated "R" picture of my pizza dough bags. (Don't mind the yoga outfit.)

I think I look like my mom in the one directly below. Not sure why. Obviously, it is not about my arms as hers were JACKED, and mine are nice and, well...soft.

One final note to potential preggos: if you have a fear of needles or giving blood (ahem, Schlotty), start some therapy now. I think I have had more arm sticks over the past 7 months than I have had in my entire life: hCG levels, AFP test, CBCs, 24 hour urine and kidney test, 1 hr GTT, 3 hr GTT, and then numerous sticks at Emory University, where I am enrolled in an observational clinical trial. My arms look like I either shoot a lot of heroin, or someone punched that tender area inside the elbow (There has got to be some funny anatomical name for that "squeegy" or something.)


-This is easy. For ALL of the support I have received over the last week as well as the last 7 months. Heck, my whole life! Words cannot describe my gratitude. This darn baby is loved for sure...

Nixed Names: Carter, Elliott, Henry, Max, Charles, Oscar, Noah, Isaac, Braxton, Hicks, Evan, Owen, Abe, Josef, Dylan, Griffin, Jens, Jan, Nevin, Emil, Milo, Luke, Lucas, Simon.


  1. Yikes! I hope you don't meet up with crazy meat man again He sounds scary! The little monkey is cute and reminds me of the sock monkeys people used to make for kids back in the 50's and 60's. I never had one, but my brothers did. Nice gift, Aunt S and Uncle S.

  2. Yay, no gdm, woohooooo :) I love the pic that reminds you of your mom. You look beautiful!

  3. You look fabulous! I'm jealous of your boobs.

  4. NICE TATAS! he he he. Seriously, as usual, you look fabulous. I enjoyed all of the stories in this post, especially the meat man. OF COURSE he has a website with Christian literature! he he he

  5. Hi Ali:
    I'm so happy that you're happy this week! I know last week was tough for you, but you pulled through with grace and usual!
    Oh, and congratulations on not being diabetic! Your tummy is growing quite nicely, which leads me to believe that Linus is no longer "restricted" by your abs of steel!
    You're looking phenomenal these days...if I put on that much spandex I'd look like a drunk cow