Friday, October 23, 2009

Tyra Banks will not be calling

From 25 weeks with Kilo
I've always had this waffling desire to get one of those artsy professional preggo photos. Not necessarily ones that are overly posed with Miles kissing my belly (yeah, like that would happen) or Eric looking longingly at my hernia, but just a natural shot of the pregnant figure in a neutral environment. I don't need Olin Mills fall leaves and water wheel backgrounds, or Laser or Red gel screen behind me, but some kind of photo crafted so that nothing but the pregnancy is highlighted. I try to achieve that general sense by just including the belly and not my face, but sometimes it gets old feeling beheaded--as though the pregnancy really is just "a belly." Well, a professional photo never materialized with Miles, and I am pretty sure it won't this time, either. I think part of it is not so much to distribute the photo to others as it is to document, in a beautiful way, a time in my life that has turned out to be pretty darn crazy! I also think it has been a challenge because I hate being in pictures. In no way is this a reflection of any self-hatred or my thinking I am an ugly hose-beast, but I just don't think I take good pictures. Yet, I am certainly not the "I love all of my imperfections" kind of girl either. This chin? Seriously...I just find myself over the years making goofy faces without thinking because I just have no idea how to pose. But I always have the inner desire to have albums full of good photos.

Even though my uterus rebels, pregnancy hasn't been too bad on my body. Okay, there is the hernia and bulging thighs and bottom (and yes, cellulite and stretch marks), but I generally feel pretty okay with the state of my body. In truth, my biggest concern is my deteriorating fitness and long road ahead to get back into running shape. But, I don't think Tyra Banks, even if she launches her under 5'9, 30+ plain Jane preggo casting call for America's Next Top Model, will be knocking down my door.

There is this gorgeous picture we have in our bedroom of a Klimt painting of a naked pregnant woman called Hope 1. I think my in-laws thought I was crazy when Eric bought it for me a few x-mases ago after I had mentioned how much I loved it. I used to look at the photo as a child in a Klimt art book we had displayed at my house. She is naked AND shows, well, everything. But the image is so interesting to me--and look at her chin! She also has a face that reminds me of my mother. I know strange. I have joked about mimicking the photo with Eric (minus the demons looming in the background). Well, it would take a miracle of God to get me in any kind of state to strip down naked, curl my hair, put a wreath on my head and pose (that, or lots of champagne). But I think what I have wanted is just to capture my pregnancy in a way that does not draw attention to my face, but to the miracle of my pregnancy.

Well, Eric and I are really not in a position to get those photos done professionally, nor can we mimic anything close to that in real life. So my quest has morphed into a challenge with myself to strip down (a bit) and document what this pregnancy really looks like--without being goofy. Last night, there was momentary insanity in my body and I said "Eric, we are taking a picture of me in a bathing suit." And I quickly felt the moment passing, so we had to act. I dug up my honeymoon suit and put it on quickly. Then, we just clicked and it was over. Now, I kind of regret the decision because it was rash, and I still acted goofy! Hence, the photos are more comical than anything. BUT, I achieved my goal--not of getting beautiful photos (hello, this was late at night in our messy bedroom), but of feeling comfortable enough with my body to document it in a really exposed way. So, here we go! Just a few for the blog--the rest are well below mediocre and should stay in the album. Not sure what it is about the camera that makes me go goofy:
From 25 weeks with Kilo
From 25 weeks with Kilo
From 25 weeks with Kilo

Are these scandalous? I always struggle with the difference between a bathing suit picture and an underwear picture. Seriously, what's the difference? Is this akin to talking about my cervix on the blog? Am I rating myself "R?" Decency is hard to determine--especially because despite my own misgivings about my body, I truly think our society is WAY too conservative regarding the human body. (But don't get me started on violence and exploitive sex).

But the REAL photo shoot took place with Miles after dinner. We laughed at his outfit today because he looked like a 70s golfer and was being so stinkin' cute that we brought out the camera. You'll notice his "house shoes" just add to the redonk-u-lousness. He slips too much with his socks, and we don't wear shoes in our house, so we had to get him "house shoes." It is also a southern thing I have learned. Up north we call them slippers.
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
You'll also notice Sasquatch holding Miles. Poor Eric was in his running gear and I forced him to be in the pictures. He has a "no shaving or grooming" policy until XC season is over, so I get to spend some time living with what looks like Big Foot (okay, that is mean--he does look cute, but I am tired of telling him about the food caught in his beard). What is nice is the lack of bits of hair in the sink! Let me clarify grooming, too, before I get in trouble--he does shower daily, just doesn't manscape or manage any hair besides getting a haircut. Finally, here is the montage of Miles toting around a cloth block made by Schlotty. He was obsessed with throwing it, picking it up and running around the house over and over laughing with it in his hand. I wish I had the video...or could stream the pictures together and make a cool flip book.
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
AND I AM SPENT!
From Miles in his 70s outfit one October night 2009
Full album of his cuteness for family here

3 comments:

  1. BRAVO Ali! I think you look beautiful, and I think pregnancy looks incredible on you. Nothing remotely scandalous about it. It's so important to just embrace your body in this moment, so I'm glad you could capture it. Also, the Miles photos are adorable, I can't believe how big he is. I must have a copy of the last picture for our wall. Love you!!!

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  2. First, um, you fit into your honeymoon suit at 25 weeks pregnant?? That in itself is something to be proud of. Second, yes, Miles does look like a little golfer. You need to work on getting him a little set of clubs to go with that outfit--too cute! Third, if you think Eric is sasquatchy, you should see my husband. He has about 8x as much hair everywhere. Ella actually pets his legs. Seems like you guys are doing better. Glad to hear it.

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  3. So many thoughts. I agree with Tracey - you are beautiful, honey. I love the one where you are looking lovingly at your Kilo tummy. Honestly, you look fit and trim - just with a protuberance that also looks smooth and fit. No jiggly anything! When you think of the miracle of a human being growing within, it seems amazing all we have to show for it is stretch marks!
    I tear up to see Miles on his feet that way - golf outfit or no. So cute! Who needs expensive toys when something as simple as tossing a block and chasing after it provides so much joy!
    I am, as you know, totally with Miles on the houseshoes thing. I have my white Crocs for my houseshoes. I figured that I would not be tempted to ever wear them out anywhere, and they are comfortable and slip-resistant.
    Kudos to Eric the mommy photograher!

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