This is the turbo status because I am currently off the monitors and IVs after a SHOWER. Oh yes, I'll get to the hygienic X-mas miracle in a second.
Here's my day yesterday (totally abbreviated)
-Random perinatologist from my group enters my room with a gaggle of women of unknown origin (i.e. I have no idea if they were his nurses, techs, or mistresses)
-Pleasantries are not exchanged as I quickly find myself spread eagle as he dons on gloves and asks to check my cervix manually (note: they DO NOT do this during pregnancy...and when they do as you get to the end of your prenatal ride, it hurts like hell. I won't lie. And by "asks" to check my cervix, our interaction was more, "Hi, I am Dr T. I am going to check your cervix.)
-DAMN! I am wearing boy shorts. Here I go again pulling them off under the covers and making a joke that received little response. I guess perinatologists don't have senses of humor.
-2-3cm and 60% effaced
-Peri recommends taking me off all meds as I am in labor, and that we are going to have a baby in like a minute. Okay, not a minute, but soon enough that Eric makes calls to half of the country saying we have 72 hours. Shoot--we really aren't settled on a middle name!
-Will check cervix again in 2 hours and assess.
-OB walks in with angels singing around him (or perhaps it is my delusional mind after rotting in a bed for a week...or the echo of my thoughts vibrating off of the dirt in my ears that I feel like has accumulated over the 2 days I haven't showered).
-Cervix still 2-3 cm and 60%. OB says, "you are not in labor." Proceed with caution, keep the meds going, and stay in the bed. As he leaves, I say, "have a great vacation! We'll have to do this again at 40 weeks." He quickly responds, "I would say closer to 35." Gotta love a realist.
So, I am not being transported to the high risk floor, but am staying on high risk labor. I cal lit maternity perguatory. What does that mean? I am too "acute" to be moved to a more stable long-term unit, but I am not in active labor and cannot take up a true labor room unless my delivery is imminent. It also means I have no therapy dogs, knitting budies, or fun activities planned for me. But I keep my corner office with 2 windows and can spread my stuff all over. I won't leave until I deliver, or am sent home post-term--at which time I will just deliver the baby myself since I won't want to ever come back to a hospital.
What's the key to my sanity (if I have any)? Making friends with the nurses. It isn't just nice, it is a necessity. I joke, I ask personal questions (is that against hospital policy? Do I need to get orders for that, too?), and honestly take a sincere interest in those that are giving me my medications and changing my IV site every few days. Plus, they tend to respond positively and hang out in my room to talk about the redonkulous news, or other rubbish on TV. And you hear them ask for you as a patient over time. I even got the "you are my favorite patient" line last night...guess the no shower things isn't working against me too much!
And then, you hit the nurse jackpot and she secretely takes you off of the monitors, IV, and antibiotics so you can BATHE YOURSELF. Okay, so this might be for her benefit, too...but I don't care. I told her I wouldn't sue if I delivered in the shower. The sad thing is that I cannot reach my legs to landscape them (you know I'll be worrying about the state of things when I find myself in those stirrups sometime soon), and had a biohazard bag strapped to my IV site, so only had 1 hand to clean anyway. But oh lord, did I feel clean.
And then you put the hospital gown on again and feel like a fly or gnat immediataly emerges from some crevice in your body because there is a strange phenomena with hospital gowns. They make you immediately dirty.
33 weeks and 4 days. Feeling pretty good folks!