Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Overheard

Daddy,

Here are some "Milesisms" you missed this morning as you are on your way to Poland:

5:48AM
Miles: MOOOOOOOOOMY! UGHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! MUMMY! MUMMY!

Rinse, repeat until 6:16AM when "Mummy" crawls into the toddler bed

Mummy: Miles, it's not time to get up. What color is your clock? Remember, no fussing and calling for Mummy until your clock turns green. Then we can get up and eat breakfast.

Kicks legs, pulls my hair, fusses and complains...and is still magically under the assumption that his body is tethered to his bed by an imaginary seatbelt.

Miles: No clock turn green! I wanna get up!

6:18AM The said tot clock turns GREEN!

Miles: My clock turned green!!! I waited til my clock turned green! Pick up! I want to touch my clock!
Mummy: Miles, I think you need to reevaluate your definition of "wait"

Miles: I want to go on Spring Break.

Mumny laughs.

And, cut!

We've told Miles that this week he is home on Spring Break. But he doesn't want to be "home" he wants to go on this allusive trip to "Spring Break." My mother and I are just dying to know what he thinks "Spring Break" is.

My guess is that it is a room open to the outside, full of cars, lollipops, Thomas underwear, slides, and a massive library of books that get read to him all day. Wait--that kind of sounds like school and home. Minus the lollipops.

6:45AM Miles is sitting on the counter, eating 2 graham crackers he helped bake the other day. One for each hand of course.

Miles: Daddy gets 2 graham crackers when he comes back from trip, too.

Mommy's heart melts a little.

7:20ishAM Ali's guilty pleasure, "The Today Show", is on in her bedroom as she gets dressed. Surprise, Surprise, Charlie Sheen is on, rambling to the camera about winning, mars, crack or something of that nature. He looks deranged. Miles is mesmerized.

The segment cuts awy to text and a reporter, then cuts back to crazy Chuck, Miles announces:

Miles: It's BAAAAAACK! Mummy, it's BAAAACK!
Mahna: Miles, is he like the nightmare in your closet? (referring to a Mercer Mayer book There's a Night mare in my Closet that we read a lot)
Miles: YES!

Smart kid.

Miles places his 1/2 eaten graham cracker "man" in front of Felix. Like a carrot to a donkey, knowing Felix is going to grab it.

Miles: NO FECES! That's MY crackuh!

And so starts the sibling taunting. Miles continues to strategically place items right in front of Felix only to snatch it back, and scold his brother. And then starts the pushing. Miles pushes poor "Feces".

Mummy: Miles, did you push Felix?
Miles: YES!

I dread the day Miles learns what "lying" means.

And finally, the piece de resistance (my mother is going to die when she reads this)

Miles: out of nowhere blurts, Mahna has a gina. Daddy has a penis.

He's said it many times before, but for some reason it resonates a little differentally when he starts assigning genitals to people outside of the immediate family. Kindergarten Cop has got nothin' on this kid.

Come home soon, Daddy! We have 2 Miles-made graham crackers waiting for you. And lots of Charlie Sheen jokes.

Love ya.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, morning fun! This was hysterical!

    ReplyDelete