Monday, December 12, 2011

Time out!

I have ~4 posts drafted in my head right now. Good ones, too.
But I'm calling "Time Out."

This past week as tried my patience as a working mother. Felix has been struggling more than he ever has in the past with an ear infection and hideous cough. (As an update, he lost both of his ear tubes and is apparently resistant to all strains of antibiotics.) Since Thursday night, he has not slept more than a 3 hour stretch. And when he does get up, he swan dives out of our arms and throws a tantrum...

...or throws himself out of the crib as he did for the first time last week. (I lost about 5 years of my life that night.)

Friday morning, I got an early morning oatmeal back scrub from Miles (ie, he puked down my back--and wouldn't you know it. Eric was NOWHERE in site. It was the first morning in my months I got Miles up by myself. Figures. I told Eric he probably thinks I have Munchausen by proxy because whenever Miles gets  vomit-y sick, I'm on the receiving end--literally--and Eric saunters in from some oblivious parenting abyss like, "huh? did something happen? I didn't hear him get sick" as I'm dripping in up chuck.)

I had an ungodly amount of work to be done on Friday, so I used the free babysitting provided by PBS and put on my cloak of Mommy guilt and had my lethargic, sick son on the bed next to me while I worked on my work computer...

...until Felix came home with a fever. Two sick boys and a full day of work. Awesome.

This weekend, Felix's cold/infection hit fever pitch (no pun intended). Not sure Eric, myself, or Felix have slept in total a full night's sleep since late last week. We've been to weekend urgent care (completely unhelpful on call pediatrician), elevated the crib mattress (actually have since September), given teaspoons of honey, lots of fluids, humidifier, extra chia seeds, doses of elderberry juice, prayer, and even some good ole fashion bargaining with the sickness gods. And we are militant about our kids washing hands; whenever the step in the door from outside, they take off shoes and got straight to he sink. 

Today, Felix has been up crying and pitching a fit since 4am--this is after waking 4 times earlier in the night-- and currently is getting a tour of Christmas lights with Eric in the car. 

We've had a really good spell of avoiding sickness and general "suckiness." (Made up inappropriate word. I won't claim to be articulate until I get a series of 6 hour stretches of sleep.) And right before we turned into an infirmary, I kept hearing about lots of my friends' little ones dealing with colds, ear infections, croup, pneumonia, bronchitis...and thought "Man, we've been so lucky to avoid all of this!"

Jinxed.

I've *tried* to refrain from complaining to others (outside of my best friend CD, my Mom, and our boys' childcare director), but I'm making a pubic plea to the universe right now for mercy. 

And I kinda want to vent, m'kay? 

This is the disadvantage to having a public journal--I become transparent in all of my feelings and emotions. But maybe it makes me more accountable. And certainly more flawed = human.

I would reserve the completely unattractive whining for Eric, but this AM as I found myself dissolving in tears as I couldn't even hold Felix he was so hysterical, which just made me hysterical (and I wouldn't put him in the crib to cool off b/c last time I did that, he tried to commit crib suicide and for 24 hours I was afraid he had a brain bleed), Eric yelled--or said firmly, but it felt like yelling-- "pull it together! Stop feeling sorry for yourself. We are all tired, but we need to focus on Felix."

Ouch. 

But he's kinda right. 

Like all things, this is temporary (pretty please?). And after I publish this completely sleep deprived post, I need to focus on things like getting my children healthy. And how I can DROP KICK my work so that I don't have insane guilt about not being able to be the model employee. And letting go of things like responding to every e-mail, color coding my closet, posting on the blog, and generally anything that takes me away from cuddling and loving on my children. Because that is where my heart is, and that's where my focus needs to be. 

Believe it or not, being a stay at home Mom has never seemed more appealing.  

I am hoping my hiatus is a short one--for the most part because it will mean we are all on the mend. 

In the meantime, go do something nice for someone else...like not telling me how much sleep you got last night.

Now, onto healing...

4 comments:

  1. My heart is breaking for all of you. You know that. I am praying with you as hard as I can. I love you all.

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  2. oh ali, hoping all of you feel better asap! sending hugs.

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  3. Ouch! I'm sorry babe. Sending mountains of love, hugs, and healing thoughts your way <3

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  4. Oh my gosh. My sister-in-law posted something very similar today. Something is up in the universe: http://babyspungst.blogspot.com/2011/12/taste-of-good-life.html. I think you and Eric should move up here where teachers are paid a living wage and their spouses can stay at home with little ones with a little creative budgeting and scrimping.

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