Monday, April 16, 2012

Who do you think you are?!?!

I guess it's time to officially write a profile blurb.

My name is Ali. Or Alison (no redundant second "L"). An ex-boyfriend used to call me Ali baba. My husband's pet name for me is Neftanga, which we translate to silly thong. In second grade I attempted to adopt the moniker Ali-cat. Probably because in first grade Josh Lee repeatedly called me "Ali Diaper" since diaper sorta-not-really rhymed with my maiden name. And we all know that a surname of "Diaper" does not get one's resume to sit at the top of a pile.

Most importantly, my name is Mom. Though, I prefer "Mommy."

I'm a closet lactavist, part-time vegetarian, wanna-be-earth motherer, seltzer drinker, Goodwill shopper, weekend flosser, junior varsity procrastinator, fake photographer, professional catastrophizer, obsessive folder, Google doctor, stellar napper, loud laugher, and failed cloth diaperer-baby wearer-co-sleeper-and potty trainer.

Although I currently spend 40+ hours in the witness protection program doing some clandestine job that pays my mortgage, I think my most impressive skills include master boo boo kisser, certified nightmare extinguisher, midnight hand holder, PB and nutella maker, toddler dance partier, cancer kicker-butter, word creator, shameless gloater, and family lover.

Outside of my wedding pictures, here is one of the only pictures I like of myself:

Thank you Kate T. Parker photography!

I am surrounded by testosterone, and terrified I might grow a legit mustache in a few years. Maybe my gray roots and leg stubble will distract from any lip hair. Maybe you just thought I went too far. Maybe you should just navigate away from this page. 

I have an amazing husband, Eric, and two boys who couldn't be more different from each other: Miles and Felix. And no, they are not twins. And yes, I love that Miles's ear is crinkled on his Daddy's leg and that Felix has a boogie dripping from his nose. My blog is about reality, folks. And Kate T. Parker (linked above) is a sick photographer--sick as in takes my breath away, not H1N1.

I started this blog in 2007 when I was pretty certain I was dying from an intestinal parasite, or as some people call "pregnancy." And from that point on, it has chronicled the banality of my life, which a handful of people (read: my mom), find interesting. I've made a point to ignore all the rules of writing, including speling and grammers, because it gets in the way of my thoughts.

Sometimes what I write makes me laugh.
Sometimes what I write makes you yawn.
Sometimes I hit "publish" and then go cry in the bathroom that I just revealed the insanity of my life.

But it always tells the truth. I lived a relatively insular and privileged life until around 2007 when I say the mustard poop blew out of the diaper. In the past 4 years my family has survived a high risk pregnancy and vacation in the NICU, early intervention, an infant kooky foot and broken leg (all before 1 year), another high risk pregnancyoral cancer, colic, torticollis, chronic clogged ducts and pumping tragedies (Mamas, you *know* that can be life altering) ear tube surgery (x two), high levels of anxiety, a pregnancy loss, and I'm calculating no more than 7.5 nights of 6 straight hours of sleep. Ask my husband, and he would probably say the only problem we've had since 2007 was the drain in the back yard we finally got fixed. I married an eternal optimist. And a cancer warrior.

So, yeah. From my perspective, I have had a lot of material to work with. But don't feel sorry for me (and if you are one of those who think I need to suck it up and not complain, just don't subscribe to my blog), because I have learned not to feel sorry for myself. In part, because I use this blog as inexpensive therapy.

I have enough readers to encourage accountability (I'm an awful pen and paper journaler), but not enough to openly welcome criticism and negative comments. Although, I give anyone license to post scathing comments or reflections. I'm omnipotent in Blogger and can delete any comment I want. (Unless you threaten my family, comment on my roots or chest, or defame anything related to the series Arrested Development, I'll probably let it slide.)

It's taken me 4 years to write this profile, which makes me wonder what more I will add in the next 4 years.

Please. Join me. I'm certain to make you feel better about your life. But I'll always contend my kids are the cutest, my husband the smartest, and my hugs the best.


  1. Ali, thank you for coming to leave a comment on my blog. I have fond memories of our DDC and it's lovely to see pictures of your boys - the photos on this profile of all of you are gorgeous. And wow - you have had a lot of stuff going on, I hope the next four years (and, indeed, 40) bring only good things to add to this blog.

  2. Leia Isanhart BalimaDecember 7, 2012 at 2:43 PM

    Perfect profile :)