Friday, August 17, 2012

Fainting Goat

If Felix had a Native American name, it would be "Fainting Goat".

You know how toddlers are known for throwing themselves on the ground in a tornadic fashion while they seemingly wrestle with an invisible creature until you acknowledge their tantrum?

Felix has taken the liberty to amend the combination and create his own version--I think in anticipation of TLC picking us up for that reality special.

Here is how it works: he gets in that dramatic emotional space where a two-year-old tantrum starts brewing. Instead of throwing himself on the ground, he just...well...falls. Like, rigor mortis style. And then he stays on the ground, prostrate. On special days, he throws in some mumblings about inside-out-phantom-leg-syndrome he picked up from his older brother. I can only liken it to those goats that just up and faint when they get panicked.

This new trick is throwing me for a loop. First, I was certain I was a long lost relative of Dahmer and Felix was part cannibal--from birth, he's been known to bite flesh. Nipples, chins, fingers...he didn't discriminate. (If the OB didn't act fast enough, he was going to gnaw his own umbilical cord off I think). But it seems it was just a phase, as he hasn't been mouthy in quite some time. sweetbabyjesusdon'tjinkmenowuniverse.

Then I started questioning our being descendants from dinosaurs as Felix has been "roaring" at people instead of your more polite and traditional hello/hola/bonjour/konnichiwa. But I think dinosaurs evolved from amoebas or fish or some sea faring creature...and we all know that there is no way Felix descended from any water source

So now I'm on to the fainting goat hypothesis. And to be honest, I think it makes a far better reality television title.

See? Life just writes itself sometimes.

***
Non-sequitor epilogue!

My husband, who posts with the pen name Philip Vogel, strikes again! My passive aggressive clarion call for him to follow my blog started to get him, and he read a bunch of the blog the other night. He kindly (insert epic sarcasm), commented the following about my last post: Isn't "them" a pronoun and not a preposition? Then again, you are the English major. At least you can't say tht I don't read this!

Break my response down with me friends:
  • Pronoun/preposition...I don't know anymore!
  • Thank you for pointing out another reason why this blog remains part of the junior varsity team.
  • I don't even do spell check let alone review the parts of speech before I write.
  • Oh--that old "you are an English major; you must have taken advanced grammar in college." (Nope. Just working off of the same 3rd grade parts of speech/grammar lessons that we all experienced.)
  • Yes, you do respond; in all seriousness, I appreciate it.
  • I just wish you knew how to spell "that." (oh no she di-int!)

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