A few favorites:
(Felix toots on the potty)
Mom: "Felix, was that gas?"
Felix: "My bottom burped. Gas doesn't go in the potty. Gas goes in a boat!"
(Felix feeling my bare legs)
Felix: "You prickly?"
Mom: "Yup. It's called stubble."
(Felix feeling his face, which has little eczema-type bumps on it)
Felix: "My face is prickly, too. My face has stubble."
(Felix in the car, looking out the window)
Felix: "See that swing over there? It's called a SWING. See that water over there? It's called WATER." (I mean, child genius anyone?)
Mom: "I love you, Felix."
(Felix just stares blankly)
Mom: "What do you say?"
(Felix belches in my face)
Felix: "Scuze me."
(The whole family is in the car on the way to a cousin's house. Mom may be having a minor meltdown after 2 weeks and yearning for routine. Mom may have raised her voice and told the boys that she needs space and cannot talk to them right now. Mom may have continued to tell Dad that a recent incident really upset her.)
Miles: "Daddy, is Mommy angry at you?"
Dad: "No, Miles. She's just frustrated."
Miles: "Daddy, what is Mommy talking about?
Dad: "She's talking about...um...a show called 'The Bachelorette'."
Miles: "What is she saying?"
Dad: "Miles, it's hard to explain."
Miles: "It's hard to explain...like God?"
(heart=warmed. This was also after the day he asked me whose tummy God came out of.)
Last year, both Miles and Felix called "popsicles" "op-iss-si-culls". This year? "Basketballs."
And this is not so much something that was said, but a slice "Miles at 4" that I want to remember.
Miles is not terribly interested in drawing letters, coloring, or learning how to read. (I thought his voracious appetite for being read to would translate into early reading. Just like his bottom being wiped, he'd rather have someone else do it for him.) But over vacation, along with the game he loves to play that he calls "Which One Don't Belong?"*, we started doing something called "Secret Notes". You take a piece of paper and write a love note on it. Then you fold it up as tiny as you can while the object of your affection closes his/her eyes. Then you pass it, 80's elementary school style, open it, and read it out loud. Due to the fact that Miles's repertoire of writing words is pretty much limited to "Mom" and "Miles", his notes where "em" heavy (eg, MMIMEOMELIMLSMOM. "Mom, what does that say?") But there was one word he liked writing over and over: EMO. Fitting.
Between the funny stuff that comes out of Felix's mouth (and other orifices), and the physical comedy that goes on in his life, I'm thinking of a new money making venture. My whole moonlighting as an intellectual escort idea is slowly being replaced with putting a pilot together for a reality show staring Felix. It will be called Following Felix. I'll contact TLC; even if I have to fit him for flippers and get him a spray tan. (Miles's show is more Hallmark channel material. I'll call it Emo.)
*"Which One Don't Belong?" (Grammar-shmammer.) Here's how it works,:
- Pick 3 items: 2 that "belong" with each other and a 3rd random. For the pre-K crowd, don't start throwing them things like historical figures or presidents (ahem, Eric). I like to stick with things like "cloud-marshmallow-banana." Both the color and food routes are acceptable for the answer.
- Present them to a partner, but make sure you say each word as drawn out as possible."Okay, which one don't belong? CHAAAIIIRRR...TAAABLE...TRAAACTOR. Whichonedon'tbelong?" Yes, you must repeat the question as fast as you can at the end. It's some sort of literary feng shui principle.
- The partner guesses which one doesn't belong.