Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Grand Jury Doody

Is doody still colloquial for caca/poop/bowel movement (*shudder*)?

I am not in on the scatological scene since giving up talking about anything related to "that which shall not be mentioned," but I am hoping my title "ha-ha" resonated with at least one of you.

I'm one of those chronic jury dutiers (doodiers) who gets called during convenient times like when I am actively pumping milk for my infant and would love to fulfill my civic duty while scoping out public incarcerated fridges in which to store my breast milk. (Incarcerated fridges totally doesn't make sense, but I really wanted to use the word "incarcerated".)

Luckily, I didn't have to serve back in 2010, but I had to call every day for two weeks straight to see if milky white and her udder machine had to go in.

I mean, did I fill out a loyalty card at the DMV when I got my license? I feel like every moment I become eligible, they call me. And I'm starting to suspect that instead of that secret list of individuals they love to chronically call, it's families...

...Eric just got quite the surprise when he found out he was summoned for 2 months of Grand Jury Duty. You know, right during cross country season (ie, his life blood). Alternative? He could defer until January when he'll be teaching a brand new course at school on the history of happiness. Poor guy totally had his own Sophie's Choice decision today. Sorry runners...happiness class is the chosen child.

Grand Jury Duty is, well, grand. Here's the skinny:

  • Eric serves for 2 months
  • Eric serves all day Tuesdays and Thursdays
  • Eric gets no lunch breaks (but allowed 20 minutes to grab lunch and bring it back)
  • Eric gets $40 dollars a day (ca-ching! We're going to Disney World!)
  • Eric misses a ton of teaching days and cross country practices twice a week
  • Eric reviews over 400 cases with 20+ other Grand Jury Doodiers, many of whom prolong the process by questioning the relationship status of the accused, and trying to assign guilt when all you have to do is CONFIRM THERE IS ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO GO TO TRIAL. Yes, I just shouted that.
Grand, eh?

I did hear they served Chick-fil-a chickin' biscuits in the morning...too bad we're boycotting them. Until the peppermint chocolate chip milkshake comes back this holiday...then we have some talking to do.

Post Script: I don't want you to think I am some radical libertarian picketing outside the courthouse wearing a sandwich board that says "DOWN WITH CONSCRIPTION!" I mean, I totally respect the concept of jury duty...just not for me and my family.


  1. It is the price we pay for living in a free and democratic society, but it certainly stinks! I hope the system which is supposedly totally random, gives you all a pass until you are octogenarians after this!

  2. I am going to jinx myself saying this so my virtual fingers are crossed but... I have never had jury duty!