Saturday, September 29, 2012

Oh dear...I'm raising a freegan

Let's continue the discussion on Felix and food, okay?
I find myself saying "Felix is scrappy" quite a bit. 
But I am going to amend to "Felix eats scraps." 

Don't let his sinewy build fool you: this boy can EAT. His teachers always comment that he is such a good eater, asking for 3rds on the broccoli. 

Could he rub off on Miles? Today Miles told me, "I don't like green beans; they make me sick. God made me that way. He made me out of sugar." Well said, child, well said. Actually, I think he is made out of lemonade and cinnamon raisin bagels as that's all I ate while pregnant with Miles.

I think my friend was slightly alarmed when she witnessed Felix inhale a few hot dogs, Kobayashi style, and sweet potato fries the other night at dinner.

And we feed him. 
A lot. 

When he was a baby, we worried about him putting toys in his mouth.

Then between 1-2 years, the concern was human flesh--preferably other's flesh.

Now we are on the look out for him putting food products from the ground and trash into his mouth.
Okay, and boogers.

I'm still looking into that toddler sized Hannibal Lecter mask.

Felix has laser eyesight and can spot half chewed gum, a dropped Mike 'n Ike, or soggy cracker from a furlong away. 
(We are trying to stay away from the "miles" reference as it keeps getting Miles confused.)
He uses his go-go gadget arms and secures the disgusting piece of whatever fell out of someone's mouth that was stomped on by 100s of people, and shoves it into his mouth before I can even scream gently remind him, "FELIX NOOOOOOO!"

I don't gag at a lot, but even thinking about how many times I have had to pull half chewed gum out of his mouth makes me feel a little queasy. 

And then I wonder why he blooms mystery rashes like this on his elbow:

Today I caught him picking crusted oatmeal off of Miles's chair and eating it.
And then later in the day he started dragging his finger through a sticky puddle of gum on the high school sidewalk. (Insert gag.)
We ended the day with me cleaning said oatmeal off of the chair after dinner while he helped himself to a serving of salmonella from the trash: I found him standing next to the garbage scooping out the yogurt dregs from a container that also held 2 egg shells I used while baking.

Anyone practicing freeganism looking to adopt?


  1. I can attest to Felix's "freeganism", as I have witnessed it and have also been alarmed as to what this adorable child is picking up from the ground and putting into his mouth! Alison is not exaggerating - the child inhales food!

  2. Yikes! I, too, have witnessed it. I guess if nothing else, he will inspire you to keep a cleaner house. Too bad, you have no influence on the general populace. He should develop a sturdy immune system before he gets old enough to listen to reason.