Monday, November 26, 2012

The naked backfire


Felix being, well, Felix after the bath.
 (First--dollar to doughnut that "The naked backfire" is going to go toe to toe with Toddler Porn for my most popular posts. If only I could track down who keeps these benign posts with leading titles so popular.)

Doesn’t it seem whenever you are focused on a particular topic or issue in life it appears in your Facebook feed, is a nightly news story, and is a current trend in your blog roll?
Maybe it is the season of potty training, but as we are finally ready to throw the hammer down on the final stages of getting rid of diapers for Felix, it seems the issue has exploded in all of my news sources. Yeah, Facebook is news.
I have learned a lot over the years in regards to potty training, and am glad to say that I know in my heart that the second go around is going to be far easier. While we have not done anything formal to date (he is burning off the fumes of Miles's "that which shall not be mentioned" endeavor), Felix has been potty trained to some degree since well before he was 2. Like at 19 months I asked him if he was willing to train his older brother. I think his response was a combo of a bark and a donkey kick to my gut. And outside of sleeping, I can say he is completely potty trained…
…as long as he is naked from the waist down.
He's a no shirt, no socks, no underwear kinda guy. It cuts down on laundry, so I don't argue.
Yeah, so you know that whole “naked weekend” technique that everyone boasts about? What happens when it backfires? For months Felix independently goes to the potty, puts on the Bjorn potty seat, flushes, washes his hands, cleans the bowl out with the brush, and refolds the towel into terry monkeys all by himself. Many times I don't know he has done it until I stumble upon his terry creation (or he comes out and asks for a Trader Joe's chocolate almond. Damn you lingering year old bribe!). He just has to be naked.
I think we've overdosed on the naked weekend concept with Miles and now Felix is suffering.
You put anything on Felix's southern hemisphere and it anesthetizes his bladder control switch. Actually, I think it anesthetizes his "caring" switch. Oh, he knows if he has had an accident. If it isn't soaking his pants, he'll just continue on living life, which currently consists of teeing his brother off or stealing produce from the fruit basket. But if he's really wet, he will come over and act like some third party got urine all over him. And if he is in a diaper? He'll happily run around with pee and poop in it until Eric and I play rock-paper-scissors to see who gets the lucky job. It's like, until it actually interferes with his playing, he'll withstand the soggies. And don't think he minds getting his diaper changed. It's like a free pass to play "kick Mommy in the uterus" and giggle. And I think us upgrading from the drier Seventh Generation wipes to the more sudsy Earth's Best hasn't helped.
I mean, I like my cereal soggy, but I'm afraid that soggy gene was passed on and transfigured when it was put into Felix. Who likes soggy pants?!?!
And I will readily admit we are diaper enablers. I might still have the shakes from the previous 2 years with Miles.
And it doesn't help that his older brother encourages him when they strip down after dinner every night and participate in what Miles lovingly calls "The Naked Run Off." (My parents were in town this past week and can "bare" witness. Oh silly pun.)
So while it’s been a pleasure watching a child essentially train himself 93.33% of the way, I think we are going to have to address the whole “how to operate in society with clothes on and no diaper" issue (ie, potty train) and soon do total diaper withdrawal. 1 and only 1 technique this time. Go big or go home.
While it would be great to say come January when Felix turns 3 that we are a diaper free house, as long as I can say 2 down 1 to go before this baby is born, I'll be a happy.
Here's to a lot more laundry and a patient/understanding childcare facility.
Worst case scenario, I reignite the hermitage plans for the backyard and make clothing optional.


  1. We actually ran into the exact same problem with EJ and got down to the preschool wire. I had to sign a contract explaining what they considered potty trained. Stressful, much?!?! So I just bought a ton underware and took the diapers away. It was gross it took like a month of daily accidents but it finally worked and the accidents have been minimual. Hang in there.

  2. I had to laugh ruefully at this post. Felix is quite a (adorable) character, as we witnessed when we were there. I promise that he and MIles will give up their propensity to nakedness one of these days, and you will think back lovingly about those good old days. I like the suggestion from LA@The Reel Family made. I know it's not feasible when he is at day care and all, but perhaps over the Christmas holiday... I hope you do better than I did with three in diapers when you were born!