Tuesday, February 12, 2013

RAKs: the third trimester

Not only am I in the third trimester of pregnancy (generally unfamiliar waters even though this is my 3rd pregnancy), but also the home stretch of my 33 random acts of kindness in 33 days.

So, my ute (pet name for uterus) has been getting all angry on me again and I am currently making a huge impression in our master bedroom mattress. I just told Eric to think of the final result as a bed slide. With some extra medication I have been put on, bed rest, and weekly check ins, I am hoping I have a good 6+ weeks left to deny I am having a 3rd child. Oh,  and I am managing to clock in a 40 hour work week while ordering around my children, husband, and mother who flew down to ensure the DSS wasn't called due to my inability to care for my children.

So technically, it's been 32 days since I started my random acts of kindness. And I had a good pace, until the ute was all "hello! look at me! I'm gonna contract all day and night, and reward you with weekly cervical checks, oral medication that makes you feel all vaso-vagally, and just general anxiety about doing the NICU song and dance again." Cervical checks = intimate time with my male OBs. The newest (okay, there are only 2 in my practice. And both relatively attractive) graduated in...wait for it...1999! No--that's not medical school graduation. High School. Like, he probably barely finished puberty and his last growth spurt around that time. Like, that is after I graduated. Like, he totally is up in my vajay all the time as an "expert." Like I'd be lying if I said I didn't find him on Facebook and sift through his pictures with his wife to make sure he wasn't really a "Doogie Howser" and born in the 21st century.

But! He did assist in the delivery, via C-section (lead by my primary OB), of the Atlanta Zoo's newest orangutan baby, so he must be legit.

Upside? Last ultrasound he confirmed I am not, in fact, having an orangutan. Glass half full...or as I am now saying, amniotic sac still full.

Eric thinks I should add: being the favorite patient, to my RAKs. Given how often I am there to get shots in my a$$ and wands up my hoo-ha, I have had a choice to shrink into a spiral of shame and pretend it all isn't happening, or embrace it and make jokes and friends. The latter has served me well. Eric can attest to the fact that we have heard "off the record" stories from the NP and OBs, and we are all on a first name basis. I'm all, "yeah, Bryan...why don't you give Brad a buzz and just let him know our plan for the fetal fibronectin test, m'kay? Give me a ring this weekend on my cell if you need me. Or message me on Facebook." The conversations aren't far off from that. And I have been told on multiple occasions that the Dr, nurse, and NP love when I come in. What can I say...a little vaginal humor and perspective goes a long way.

And I might have offered up my husband as a test subject to my underage Dr when he mentioned during my last visit he wanted to get certified to do vasectomies since it is the only form of birth control he cannot offer. (If that isn't a RAK...I don't know what is!)

But I'm not quite to the point of adding "befriending the OB staff" as a RAK. So currently, I've officially completed 25 RAKs, and have 2 more about to be executed...and then there needs to be a strategic meeting with me, myself and I because I simply cannot do the remainder on bed rest.

For instance: there is a home down at the end of our street with a young couple who must have recently had a baby. I've seen a pink wreath on their door, some balloons on their mailbox, and a glimpse of a newborn swing in the window. They have clearly been on baby duty and not cared much about landscaping: they have all these pine needles sticking up, like little evergreen kamikazes, in their overgrown grass. I wanted for us to go over there and just rake it all away for them.

Or offering my close single-parent friend a night of free babysitting so she could go out and do whatever she wanted for however long she wanted.

Or signing up for a 5K benefiting a charity and donating another entry fee (and then subsequently walking the 5K).

Or going to the park with my boys and picking up every piece of trash we see.

So I have some reevaluating to do,

And part of me kinda feels like a failure right now. Failing RAKs and failing pregnancy--again. Well, let me correct that--I will complete my mission for 33 random acts, just not on my original deadline. And I still am holding out for 38 weeks with this nugget. I may just need excessive counseling and a new mattress. Maybe I am more like a C student, but slap that bell curve on me and with grade inflation, I am going to claim to be averaging a solid B. Not good enough for Harvard, but definitely top of the class for online University of Phoenix.

And now, here is where we stand:

I included links to some of the sources of the random acts in case interested.
  1. Give a 100% tip. (Okay, it was at Starbucks on a $4 drink. *Update! I found out that my husband secretly gave 300% tip at IHOP when we went out for dinner recently, and had the most horrible service. He didn't even do it in honor of my mission, but said he did it because he needed to do something so he didn't blow up at the server. Show off...)
  2. Dropped off a new pair of running socks in the mailbox of a neighborhood gentleman we have seen run every single day by our house for 4 years.
  3. Taped change to my company's $0.25 pop machine.
  4. Cooked cinnamon pecans for someone we know who mentioned she liked pecans.
  5. Sent 2 free movie ticket vouchers to a couple who I know need a date night out!
  6. Taped 2 lottery tickets to the gas pump.
  7. Baked gluten free peanut butter cookies for a co-worker recently diagnosed with gluten intolerance and just announced she is pregnant.
  8. Gave a friend an awesome eco-friendly t-shirt from Etsy's OneLaneRoad depicting backyard chickens. (She really really really really wanted chickens and a coop for Christmas. Santa didn't get the memo, so I improvised for her.)
  9. Dropped off a donation to a local elementary school (my kids do not attend there, yet), for them to buy daffodils for their garden. 
  10. Went to Target.com, printed out all of the online coupons and taped them to the products at the store.
  11. Planted a bunch of $1 bills to Target dollar items. (Totally bring your kids for this one. They were "making it rain" with the dollah dollah bills throughout the aisles.)
  12. Walked to Dunkin' Doughnuts with the boys...bought a dozen...walked to our Police Station, and dropped them off for the department to enjoy...walked home.
  13. Gave Miles's classroom a new copy of the book, One,  I selected from our own stash of books to read when I was "mystery reader".
  14. Mailed a dinner + a movie gift card to a friend and her husband who have been confronted with more than their fair share of health issues with their family.
  15. Commented, meaningfully, on every.single.blog in my Google Reader over the course of 1 day.
  16. Baked our mail carrier some treats and left them in our mailbox.
  17. Baked Felix's teachers some treats to enjoy for taking such great care of all of the kids at the center.
  18. Returned a borrowed book with another book to read/keep (one she has wanted to read), and threw in a new Nike running visor because she loves to run and is one of my running inspiration.
  19. Bought my colleague her favorite sour cream doughnuts from a local doughnut shop.
  20. Bought the said local doughnut shop owners a really beautiful Ravensburger puzzle and secretly dropped it off at their doorstep late one night. (Whenever you go in, they are *always* doing puzzles on a table.)
  21. Sent a pair of cute boxer briefs to a little boy up north rocking the potty training transition.
  22. Mailed a gift card to a friend who is increasing her sewing hobby/passion to her favorite online fabric store.
  23. Sent pregnancy and nursing tea to a friend up north who just got over the flu and endured the bitter cold, epic storm that was Nemo.
  24. Made a slouchy hat (or "cupcake hat"/"marshmallow hat" as the 2-4 year olds have called it) to a friend who casually mentioned her daughter could model it for me when I lamented that I only had boys who could model the little girl hats.
  25. Sent a year's worth of meal plans to a friend who could be the most organized, ambitious, and clever Mama I know. Funny enough, my husband printed off 2 copies. A few days later, another friend asked me for my list of RAKs so she could start her own journey, and mentioned she liked this particular random act. Bingo-bango, even though we were going to keep the print out for ourselves, the universe couldn't have been more clear to send it to her.

New goal: 33 random acts of kindness before this baby is born.

25 down, 8 more...and, go!


  1. You are amazing. Times a million since you're doing the rest from your bed. That is HARD CORE, my friend.

    Also, "feeling all vaso-vagally" is the best non-word ever. I dare you to use it in another blog post.

  2. Just wanted to let you know that I read this, loved it, and adore you. Hang in there! You rock!!

  3. I would count surprise gifting your Mama with her favorite shampoo and conditioner and with a pair of rocking purple Nike Frees as #26 & #27...