Thursday, March 21, 2013

Aw, snap...when stretching isn't so fun

You guys. (Sorry women's studies majors. I am kind of over y'all today.)

I think I've landed a tiger stripe...line of demarcation...woman warrior wound...or better known as

A STRETCH MARK!
 
I'm not going to lie. I am the first one to be sincerely supportive and in awe of everyone else's pregnant bodies. I see your glow. I love your little outie belly button. I'm a belly rubber. And I honestly mean all those compliments I dish out. But I just can't seem to accept the belly on and physical changes in myself. I'll admit it.
 
I am 2 days shy of being more pregnant than I have ever been before. And life decided to celebrate by giving me a 1 inch trail of tears in a subtle "blush and bashful" (25 cents for the one who can tell me the reference). And it's on the top of my belly...you know, I can't even lie and say it's a c-section scar. And do you want to know something else that is totallymoreinfoaboutmyabdomenthanyoueverwantedtoknowbutIlostmyfilterinthe29thwkofpregnancy? (I figure, if you spent the time reading that run on, you are invested in my blog and deserve to hear my over sharing. Heck, and may even be interested.) I have accumulated more angiomas on my gut, which are stretched out and look like Jackson Pollack did a splatter painting with sour cherry paint all over my belly. Oh, but let me add that his canvas is also covered with a fine layer of downy hair. Finally, there is a 3 dimensional relief aspect with my guts herniating out of my belly button. (How's that visual?)
 
Wah-wah.
 
And in one fell swoop...my sports illustrated dreams are dashed.
 
I know this baby is bigger than my last 2. I know I am bigger than I was during the last 2 pregnancies in part due to a lack of morning sickness and being very, very well fed. I might as well assemble a trough next to my bed and just throw the entire pantry into it and so I can graze all day. Or one of those portable troughs they give farm animals that is hitched on to some jury rigged head gear. (Ooo! Shark Tank idea!) But I thought like wisdom teeth, stretch marks were not in my genetic make-up. Or that given my history and house arrest, the pregnancy gods were smiling on me and would offer up both a fast labor like the last 2 times and a scar free body. (At least scars that keep me in contention for G-rated bikini modeling; let's not go into the 1st and 2nd degree karate belts I've earned. Or did I just go into it?)
 
I'm still willing to settle for 1 out of 2, m'kay gods? Last time it was 10 minutes and he was out...I'm asking for at most 9 minutes 30 seconds. Fine. 45 seconds.
 
And come Saturday, I may be able to start walking off some of this house arrest that is deposited in my cheeks (all 4 of them), thighs, haunches, and that space that used to house triceps.
 
(Lauren Fleshman, you aren't helping by posting your 6 month belly shot and talking about all the runs you are still accomplishing.) 
 
Vanity is an ugly sin. But so is dishonesty, so I might as well come clean.
 
PS--I have absolutely no aspirations to be in bikini modeling. Never have. Never will. My real aspiration at this time is to be best friends with Anderson Cooper or Jimmy Fallon. And, sadly, much more attainable than bikini modeling.
 
#worstpregnantwomanever


Monday, March 18, 2013

Feedly fun

With Google Reader on the outs (I think my friend Amy and I are in mourning, and maybe she'll do a Fashion Friday post on what to wear to a virtual funeral. I'm hoping something like borrowed maternity pants and leggings are appropriate), I jumped on the feedly bandwagon along with thousands of other Google Readers. I haven't downloaded any desktop version, so am currently learning to read all  of the posts from the blogs I subscribe to on my phone.

So far...I kinda like it!

What feedly has allowed me to do is really acknowledge the inconsistency and diversity of my feeds. At moments you might think I am a crafty mom. Other times, a war correspondent...and, sadly, much of the time, a hormone driven celebrity stalker.

Why, tonight I was soaking up my recent feeds that accumulated during the  work day during the hour I consider myself "inoperable--unoperable?" after I take my exceptionally large nighttime dose of blood pressure medication that is used to quell my contractions. (It's doing it's job...I am 35 weeks today and 5 days away from being more pregnant than I have ever been in my life.) And while trying not to go into a hypotensive crisis, realized that within 2 minutes I: confirmed Lil Wayne got out of ICU, was inspired by 12 IKEA table hacks, was tempted by a $60 voucher to use at Sage Creek Organics for only $30,  clung onto some advice about helping a toddler and baby share a room, and contemplated whether or not America needs a strong dollar policy.


And we wonder why kids have terrible attention spans...

Anyway, because I have nothing else of merit to provide today that doesn't involve me expressing concern for my emotional stability or the fact that my children are starting to crack with the pressure of 6 weeks of bed rest and impending baby...

Enjoy laughing over the a sampling of the list of tonight's feeds, in order, that just came up on my phone:

Brody Jenner Goes Shirtless, Chats up Bikin-Clad Women
Make your Own Patterned Name Art
Finally, I Don't Hate my Body
Keyshia Cole Slams Beyonce's New Song
CEO of Electronics Arts, World's Third-Largest Gaming Company, Resigns
Argentine President Asks Pope Francis to Meditate
Beyonce Shows off Slim, Toned Bikini Body on Shape
Antler Candleholder
Supreme Court Tests Limits of Voter Registration Law
Pretty, Spring-like Desktop Wallpapers
Leann Rimes and our quote of the day!
Maker of 3-D Printer Guns Now Has Federal Firearms License
Tiny Camera Stamps
Justin Bieber, Fact or Fiction?
Bloomberg wants Retailers to Keep Tobacco Products Out of Sight
Best Baby Shower Presents for  New Parents
Can 'Smart Gun' Technology Help Prevent Violence?

And yes, I read all of them. And yes, I voluntarily subscribe to all of the sites that you can imagine supports these headlines. (Guesses?)

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

33's

Remember the 33rd birthday gift I got myself?  
still need to write myself a thank you note

Remember how I had to amend it because of my terrible follow-through and angry uterus?

Remember how you all have been knocking down my door asking me for a status update?

(Sorry, peeps...I'm still bed surfing and generally allergic to opening my personal computer. Bedrest is exhausting!)

Drum Roll...

On my 33 week and 3rd day of pregnancy with our 3rd child in the 3rd month of the year...I completed 33 random acts of kindness.
Oh, and I *totally* am scheduling this to post at 3:33 AM.
And as you can deduce...I am still pregnant!  Although, come 36 weeks, I may run out of the house and use a seaweed stick and the Harlem Shake to get this baby out.

(And as a clarification--this is being posted on my 34th week of pregnancy since I'm a day late and dollah short on everything these days.)

***
What? That grid has 36 squares? 

Yeah, I was kinda mad at math, too, when I realized I couldn't do a neat 33 square. 

Anyone who follows me on Instagram (holla TeamHeintz) has been witness to this journey, but in case the 4 of you who are still checking this blog aren't addicted to my favorite app...here they are (with 3 bonus line items).

  1. Give a 100% tip. (Okay, it was at Starbucks on a $4 drink. *Update! I found out that my husband secretly gave 300% tip at IHOP when we went out for dinner recently, and had the most horrible service. He didn't even do it in honor of my mission, but said he did it because he needed to do something so he didn't blow up at the server. Show off...)
  2. Random running gift. Dropped off a new pair of running socks in the mailbox of a neighborhood gentleman we have seen run every single day by our house for 4 years.
  3. Spare change. Taped change to my company's $0.25 pop machine.
  4. Going nuts. Cooked cinnamon pecans for someone we know who mentioned she liked pecans.
  5. Movie night. Sent 2 free movie ticket vouchers to a couple who I know need a date night out!
  6. Lucky gas. Taped 2 lottery tickets to the gas pump.
  7. Baked goods. Baked gluten free peanut butter cookies for a co-worker recently diagnosed with gluten intolerance and just announced she is pregnant.
  8. Cluck cluck etsy. Gave a friend an awesome eco-friendly t-shirt from Etsy's OneLaneRoad depicting backyard chickens. (She really really really really wanted chickens and a coop for Christmas. Santa didn't get the memo, and I'm afraid of the bird flu, so I improvised. Bird flu reference a joke, people! Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't fail at being funny.)
  9. Spring flowers. Dropped off a donation to a local elementary school (my kids do not attend there, yet), for them to buy daffodils for their garden. 
  10. Coupons. Went to Target.com, printed out all of the online coupons and taped them to the products at the store.
  11. Dollah dollah bills. Planted a bunch of $1 bills to Target dollar items. (Totally bring your kids for this one. They were "making it rain" with the dollah dollah bills throughout the aisles.)
  12. Po Po. Walked to Dunkin' Doughnuts with the boys...bought a dozen...walked to our Police Station, and dropped them off for the department to enjoy...walked home.
  13. Book-it. Gave Miles's classroom a new copy of the book, One,  I selected from our own stash of books to read when I was "mystery reader".
  14. Date night. Mailed a dinner + a movie gift card to a friend and her husband who have been confronted with more than their fair share of health issues with their family.
  15. Blog love. Commented, meaningfully, on every.single.blog in my Google Reader over the course of 1 day.
  16. Mr. McFeely. Baked our mail carrier some treats and left them in our mailbox.
  17. Teacher appreciation. Baked Felix's teachers some treats to enjoy for taking such great care of all of the kids at the center.
  18. Running insurance. Returned a borrowed book with another book to read/keep (one she has wanted to read), and threw in a new Nike running visor because she loves to run and is one of my running inspiration.
  19. Local confections. Bought my colleague her favorite sour cream doughnuts from a local doughnut shop.
  20. Puzzled. Bought the said local doughnut shop owners a really beautiful Ravensburger puzzle and secretly dropped it off at their doorstep late one night. (Whenever you go in, they are *always* doing puzzles on a table.)
  21. Potty power. Sent a pair of cute boxer briefs to a little boy up north rocking the potty training transition.
  22. Sew lucky. Mailed a gift card to a friend who is increasing her sewing hobby/passion to her favorite online fabric store.
  23. Pregnancy pampering. Sent pregnancy and nursing tea to a friend up north who just got over the flu and endured the bitter cold, epic storm that was Nemo.
  24. Knit it up. Made a slouchy hat (or "cupcake hat"/"marshmallow hat" as the 2-4 year olds have called it) to a friend who casually mentioned her daughter could model it for me when I lamented that I only had boys who could model the little girl hats.
  25. Meal planning. Sent a year's worth of meal plans to a friend who could be the most organized, ambitious, and clever Mama I know. Funny enough, my husband printed off 2 copies. A few days later, another friend asked me for my list of RAKs so she could start her own journey, and mentioned she liked this particular random act. Bingo-bango, even though we were going to keep the print out for ourselves, the universe couldn't have been more clear to send it to her. 
  26. Pinteresting. Stalked a friend's Pinterest board and saw she pinned a few "self improvement" ideas/products, and gave her a pampering bag of ingredients for a detox bath and a fun new hair product.
  27. Knit it up x 2. Used lots of my extra yarn to make a scrap monkey (named Scrapple) and randomly chose an interested Facebook friend to send it to.
  28. Yard loving. Dropped a note off at a random neighbor's house letting them know that we love their new renovation and yard they have been working hard on.
  29. Girl Power. Dropped off a bag of girl power items for a special mom and her little girl.
  30. Flowers. Randomly dropped off flowers at a friend's house after grocery shopping.
  31. Drive-thru. Paid for the woman behind me in the drive-through.
  32. Spare change. At the pharmacy counter, heard the woman next to me lament she didn't have correct change. Threw down the correct change for her. 
  33. Love note.  I hid a love note to Eric in his briefcase, on the 3rd anniversary of him being cancer free. (Move over 11, our new lucky # is 3.)
  34. BONUS: Traveling prayer. Sent the book Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers, given to me during a tough time to another friend going through a tough time, with the intent of writing our names in the cover and sending around to those who need a quick dose of inspiration and prayer.
  35. BONUS: Cancer Warriors. In honor of #33 and being cancer free, sent messages to 3 people I don't personally know, but follow online, who have been diagnosed with cancer, and wrote them words of encouragement.
  36. BONUS: Mahna. This isn't my random act of kindness, but many of you know that my mother has, again, temporarily moved in. She loves New England and tolerates Atlanta. So her missing 2 of the biggest snowstorms up north was not easy to swallow. Yeah, and I guess she misses that husband, cat, friend, personal space, bed, etc, too. Without her being here, I would surely have to quit my job and let the house get into a state eligible for demolition while my children emotionally fall apart. Bed rest is no joke--it's been very taxing on everyone, and the greatest act of kindness has been my mother coming down to hold our family together. 
Reflections...
  • This process has been wonderful. As I mentioned, I got a little derailed with bedrest and wasn't able to execute the exact list I had created, but what I realized is that although most of my random acts of kindness were deliberate and planned...the opportunity to do something nice for someone else appears every day. Even when you are confined to a bed.  So while the official documentation and execution has concluded, I hope to spend the rest of my life with an eye toward more kindness. 
  • By far, the best unintended consequence of this process has been the 3 (I'm telling you...3 is the lucky number) friends of mine who have taken up their own Random Acts of Kindness journeys either for their birthdays or for Lent. What better gift!
  • I am not good at receiving. While on bedrest, we have received weekly meals, random treats left at our door, numerous daily texts of support, offers to help grocery shopping, bedrest boredom packages...and while I initially feel bad that so many are, yet again, reaching out to help and comfort and make our life easier, have learned to embrace the gifts. Express real, authentic gratitude, knowing that in life, it is both a blessing to give and receive.